Ok ok ok, here’s some wild stuff.

So remember yesterday the thingy about woman #1? After about 5 months, she literally just popped in. Why? I can’t remember, even though it happened a couple hours ago.

So flurry of thoughts:

• She’s still as beautiful as I remember (only cheesy thing I’ll say here)
• She’s not really changed, which I’m not sure is good or bad. On one hand, that means she is who she wants to be, but on the other, I would have a minimum expectation of some change.
• She’s, well, uh… I don’t really know.

It’s been a while and honestly, I accepted that I’ll never see her again. But here she is. (She’s also single again.) BUT two things came to mind:

• Is this an opportunity or a lesson?
• If it is an opportunity, should I pursue it? Because I remember how happy and alive I felt when she was around, and how much I enjoyed being around her. On top of that, I find myself more productive, active, and focused. Probably love. (Definitely love.)
• If it is a lesson, should I let go? Because of there were times when we would schedule something and she usually forgot or said something came up. Since I can’t speak on what she had in her life, I can say for me, should I be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?

I always believe God gives me opportunities and lessons. I was very very very very happy to see her and every associated feelings around it BUT when I texted her about meeting up at the range, no response.

Then I did something (which isn’t a lot but is something I wouldn’t have done a year ago) wild, I called her.

(Just before calling, I was debating whether I should or not. Guess what? I looked at the time and it was 6:11 PM. Coincidence? I think not.)

Voicemail (I think. It was just a beep, no prompt). My tone of voice was sooooooo nervous, doesn’t happen often.

Maybe it’s euphoria. Maybe it’s joy.

It might be closure. Finally knowing that I can move on. I still love her, but I don’t want to relove her.